Calm

May, 2009. Mahabang Buhangin, Camarines Norte, Philippines

 

I want to get away right now and be some place peaceful!

My heart is beating so fast I want to throw up. I just had an argument with my downstairs neighbor about noises, both intentional and unintentional. Words were thrown out at one another. Accusations were said and ill intentions abound.

I wasn’t raised to be like this. The funny thing is, my mother was with me the whole time. It was actually her who was arguing first then I followed. We were never like this as far as my memories could tell. We were a bunch of diplomatic people. We choose to be quiet rather than engage in arguments like these.

Barbaric is the best word to describe what happened. Maybe uneducated and crass but never the classy people we thought we were. I don’t want to be like this. And I don’t want my mother to do such thing.

The building landlord gave me an advice earlier and told me to just ignore my neighbor. Try my best not to engage in any conversation both civil and argumentative. I will take that advice. I will go back to how it was once. Peaceful and diplomatic.

I looked for pictures in my computer looking for a time in my past that will give me comfort and this picture got my attention. This was taken on my 30th birthday celebration in 2009. Life was simpler then and I say very enjoyable. The waves were aggressive back then but not destructive.

What happened today was the opposite. Both sides were aggressive and from what I feel right now, it proves to be destructive as well. This is probably the reason why we were raised not engaging on arguments like what happened earlier. Nothing comes out good from it. However, should I allow people to be just like waves and push me around or should I stand my ground and fight back regardless if I seem uneducated?

I will fight back but I will be more diplomatic next time. I will choose my words and will not raise my voice. It is more challenging to send a sharp message across without using sharp words and tone. I will take that challenge and be better.

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